The Dominus Project

Dr. Brian Pedraza;

Hey friends, this is Holy Habits in the House, and this is a dangerous episode because we've got really good friends in the house. You better look out!

I am Dr. Brian Pedraza, I am a theologian at FranU and I am also the Director of The Dominus Project, and we want to bring you this podcast because we want to see the faith being formed and on fire in your family, in your home. 

I'm joined, as always, by my good friend, my brother, my father, Father Josh Johnson.

Fr. Josh Johnson:

What's up, Dr. P?

Dr. Brian Pedraza: 

Great to see you, man. 

Fr. Josh Johnson; 

Well, it's always great to see you, but this is a really special episode because on this episode, we have one of my best friends, Deacon Michael Parker. I say that, too, because I'm not always very good with affirming language, and he's really great with it, and then I don't reciprocate. He's like “Say it, bro. You not going to say it back?” and I say, “yeah, yeah. Thanks!” 

So I will say this, so the world knows: Deacon Michael Parker is one of my best friends! JaVaunda, his beautiful wife has joined us as well. Me, JaVaunda and Deacon Michael go way back, and we have traveled together, vacationed together. We've done missions together. Obviously, we've been in multiple parishes together. We have so much that we can talk about. Really quick, this is a show about families, and we recently did a mission, and your daughter, she prayed over somebody, and it was so powerful to watch. One of my students from Sacred Heart of Jesus school... and I would say, I formed her, but to watch her pray over this woman, I was like, man! 

Before we get to that awesome stuff, I know you all both so well at this point, but we can know each other better. What do y'all think of the four of us—we're all friends at this table—we know your favorite love language. But let's say what we think each other's least favorite love language is. Y'all says ours and we will say yours. 

Dr. Brian Pedraza: Wow. 

JaVaunda Parker: Okay, I'll say touch for you (Fr. Josh). 

Deacon Michael Parker: Yes, that's definitely touch. 

Father Josh: I'm celibate for a reason! I am like “do not touch me”. I love to pet my cat; to pet dogs, I love to hold a baby, a newborn baby. I will even rock the baby asleep, but other than that, I do not want to be touched. 

JaVaunda Parker: Let's see, Dr. P, let me think about the love languages. Let us see. 

Dr. Pedraza: There's touch, there's acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts.... 

JaVaunda Parker: Yes, yes, I say gifts is your least favorite one. 

Deacon Michael Parker: I will say that too, because words of affirmation, we talked about this, too, is like lifting each other up as brothers, and we show that in front of people, and I love that, and I always think about that as something that you do. No, words of affirmation, that is your strong point. Yeah, I am going to go with gifts. You are a touch man, too. 

Fr. Josh: Yeah, he is touching me right now, so I'm very uncomfortable. (laughter)

Dr. Brian Pedraza: Yeah, exactly. I think so, you are right. But my primary love language is Burritos. 

Fr. Josh Johnson: No, that is why I've never given you a gift for our entire friendship because I knew you wouldn't appreciate it. (laughter)

Dr. Brian Pedraza: That's it, thank you, man. Yes, thank you. 

Fr. Josh Johnson: All right, so now let's do y'all. So, we can eliminate quality time, can eliminate touch. I know you like words of affirmation as well. So, there's quality time, I know there's touch, words of affirmation. I feel like yours might be ... you don't care to receive gifts either. 

Deacon Michael Parker: Not important. Yeah, not important. 

Fr. Josh Johnson: And then JaVaunda, I feel like, let us see. What do you think, Dr. P?

Dr. Brian Pedraza: I might have a guess, but I have to give my explanation, too. I might have guessed, for both of y’all, acts of service because you both serve so much and you shoulder a lot of stuff yourselves, that sometimes it’s hard. We are like “What do you need? Tell me what you need.” And y'all aren't always quick to say it.

JaVaunda: I think mine is acts of service because I'm just, like, I’ll do it myself.

I will do anything myself. 

Fr. Josh Johnson: Like that's the introvert in you too, like, I'd rather be by myself. 

JaVaunda Parker: Literally, our dishwasher had broken, and I mentioned it, but I didn't want him to do anything. I found a YouTube video, and I fixed it myself. I fixed it myself. But he doesn't like me to do that with everything because I tried to fix a wagon and that wagon broke, too. 

Deacon Michael: What wagon?

JaVaunda Parker: The wagon that I put together myself. 

Deacon Michael: Because she did not follow the instructions. If you follow the instructions, it does not break! (laughter)

JaVaunda Parker: But you were taking too long. It's a difference. 

Fr. Josh Johnson: So, this is real family! (laughter)

JaVaunda Parker: This is it, this is it. So what you see is what you get!

Fr. Josh Johnson: Speaking of the Mass... 

Dr. Brian Pedraza: You got to reconcile with your brother, before you go to Mass (laughter). That's right, yes. We wanted to have y'all on because the Eucharist is the heart of our faith. The Eucharist must be the heart of our families, and y'all are a Eucharistic family. 

And by the way, people don’t know this, but we're recording this on the day of...

Deacon Michael & JaVaunda: Our Anniversary!

Fr. Josh Johnson & Dr. Pedraza: Congratulations, ya’ll!

JaVaunda Parker: Thank you. 

Dr. Brian Pedraza: Y’all just told us, before we started recording: where were you at, this morning before you started today?

JaVaunda Parker: Yes, yes, we literally started the day with adoration. 

Dr. Pedraza: They started with the Eucharist; they started with our Lord fully present in the most blessed sacrament. We want to invite y'all on to talk about the importance of the Eucharist for your family, the importance of going to Mass, the importance of recognizing, adoring, & spending time with the Lord in the most Holy Eucharist. Just to start off, what does the Eucharist mean for you all as a family? 

JaVaunda Parker: I guess now, the Eucharist means everything to our family right now. We do everything, we try to do everything with Christ at the center. Including with Mass, adoration. We make our times; we schedule our times for that because it's important. I was literally telling him this morning, while we were in adoration: the times when I don't go adoration, it's like something is missing. It's like something is missing. I'm still at home praying and I'm doing all of this stuff, but it's just something missing, and I don't feel it until I go into adoration. So, I feel like it (the Eucharist) is everything for our family. 

Deacon Michael Parker: Yeah, same. It's a priority for me right now, and I know this as I'm going deeper into being a husband and father. The first thing I am thinking about is: how can I take my role seriously, to bring my family to heaven? I often think about how important it is to make sure that we are spending and “wasting time” with a friend, even though we are best friends. It is beautiful to just be able to sit with our Lord who I desire to be His friend. And even as a servant of the church too—it is fulfilling to be in His presence and just to be at peace and be at rest with Him. So, if I am doing that, I get filled up so I can go home and be a better husband, be a better father. So it is so important, the Eucharist, the source and summit. 

Fr. Josh Johnson: But it wasn't always the case for you, because even in the beginning of your relationship, JaVaunda, you weren't even Catholic? So, the Eucharist would not have been a priority. 

JaVaunda Parker: Absolutely not. The beginning days? No.

Fr. Josh Johnson: One of things that I appreciate about your relationship, your marriage, your love for each other, is that Michael, at one point, I think you thought about being a priest, as a kid. The Eucharist was always important to you. You fell in love with JaVaunda, got married in the church at St. Anthony, I think. Then there was even a season where you, because she was not receiving communion, you are like, I am going to go without communion for a while, just because, if she cannot, I won’t.  Can you tell us about that? 

Deacon Michael Parker: Right. So, I mean, it was something as we were going back and forth within our forms of worship, as you know, I was so grateful that we got married in the Catholic Church. I also knew that there was a part that we just didn't connect on when we were able to worship together as husband and wife. We would switch and we would go back and forth to a non-denominational church and then the Catholic Church weekly. Then I would notice that it felt so absent when I would walk up for communion to receive, and she could not, and she was sitting in the pew. I was feeling like something is missing here and this is not right. So, at that point, I started to realize, you know, Lord, maybe at this point, I just can't receive you. First thing, I am scared to talk to JaVaunda about how important the Eucharist is for me, and I don't want to offend JaVaunda and say that I don't want to go worship with you, because I love you. But then I was like, the ache in my heart, and I feel like I was not worthy to even go and receive him, so I said at that point, Lord, I just can't. I can't do this, and I believe you (JaVaunda) noticed that. 

JaVaunda Parker: I did, I noticed it. When we got married, he did, we went to my church, we went to his church. I used to get so upset whenever we would go to my church and then he would leave to go to his church that same weekend. I would say, “We went to church already! I don't understand why you're doing this.” Whenever we had JaMicah, that is when something started to happen within me, but it was not fully happening because I was still not wanting to go that route into the Catholic faith at all. 

Dr. Pedraza: Give us the moment when the Eucharist changed for you, JaVaunda. 

JaVaunda Parker: The moment? So, I would not even say, like right when I became Catholic because I was still somewhat confused. I knew that we all believed the same thing at this point. I knew that what I was learning growing up was not necessarily true, but I didn't all the way believe that the Eucharist was Jesus, body, soul, divinity. I did not, I did not all the way in my heart believe that. I want to say that it was when Michael started going to class to be a Deacon and he did something at Holy Rosary. This is how long ago it was, whenever he was at Holy Rosary, we were married at that time, maybe six or seven years, I don't know. It was somewhere in there, so I was Catholic at this time, three years. This one time when you were going around with the Eucharist at the church, something felt different, I felt something. 

I was like, what was that? I told Michael and I was like, Michael, I felt weird. Like, I cannot even explain the feeling that I felt. It was just a weird feeling, and I thought, this may actually be Jesus. So that happened and out of that moment, I would go to adoration every once in a while, but when I went, I felt something. I felt good. I felt what I needed to feel, I guess. But the huge, huge thing happened last year when I lost one of my best friends, not as if she died, but I lost her because we went our separate ways. I feel like God used that to draw me closer to Him. I remember going to the chapel and just crying in adoration, and I remember this one moment in adoration. I called Michael because I just felt like I was alone. I felt like I was so alone. Then I had a vision as clear as day that, yes, I was alone in the chapel, but Mary was there, the saints were there, the angels were there, they were all just praying for me while I was going through this time and through that moment is when adoration just became everything. I go all the time now. Like when I say all the time, I go all the time now. 

Dr. Brian Pedraza: You know what is so cool about that? The ancient creed that we profess at Mass, we say I believe in the “Communion of Saints.” Like in Latin—I will get a little technical here, but I promise I will explain it—in Latin, it is the communio sanctorum, which means “communion of holy things.” We just translate it as communion of saints, but it could leave you asking the question if you saw it in Latin, wait, is it talking about the sacraments? The holy things? Or is it talking about the people? In other words, is it talking about the body of Christ? Or is it talking about the body of Christ? The answer is “Yes, both!” Where the Eucharist is, because that really is the Lord's body, because in the church, St. Paul tells us by our baptism, we become a part of the Lord's body. It makes sense that when you were in the presence of Our Lord, you started feeling all the saints, the angels, and the community surrounding you because that is what they are. They are right there in Christ, being with you. That's really powerful that you experienced that, even in your own prayer. 

Fr. Josh Johnson: They are also at every single Mass. When we go to Mass, to worship God, every single saint in heaven, every single soul in purgatory, every single angel is worshipping God with us. 

Dr. Brian Pedraza: That's it. That is it. So, one thing that I am thinking about for a lot of families who are going to watch this episode, and I'm thinking about it for my own family too: I have three boys, I am bringing them to Mass. I want them to love the Mass. It's part of our family rule. We got a rule on the fireplace and one of the rules is, “Mass is the most important thing we do,” but of course, when you have kids, it is a battle. You know they are like, I want to be playing video games, playing football, whatever it is. 

So, we have this battle in front of us. How do you help your kids realize that Mass is the most important thing that we do? What do you all do in your family? 

Deacon Michael Parker: I know I was reflecting on this recently as we did this mission, and I was wondering why St. Paul was calling out to me? And I noticed that one of the things he writes about in his letter to the Corinthians, he stresses about how it is a participation. It is a participation for all of us, as the body of Christ, to worship. I know that one of the things or an analogy that I think about it, is if you are participating with someone, you have to have a “to and fro” or you have to be active with them. One of the things that I've seen to connect the analogy, when you're in Mass and the priest is leading us, and he says something, whenever we respond, that's actually like throwing a ball back and forth to each other because we're entering into that participation. I literally stress this within our family, the knowledge that this, the Mass, is the way that we respond to God's love. This is how our worship is oriented, and to make sure that when we're in Mass we ARE in full participation, just as we would, except even more than that of a football game, and the cheer practices that we as I see as a Dad watching football and things like that, no, THIS is everything, the pinnacle, what we're doing in Mass. With them seeing me as a father of the home, the priest of the home, having that kind of importance, starts to fall, starts to trickle down to them. So, they see, as far as how we look with participation, from that point.

Dr. Brian Pedraza: Love that!

JaVaunda Parker:  I know, so growing up, I was a pastor's child, I was a minister's child, and I know I'm going in a different route, but I am going to make it make sense in just a second. It was always this need to be perfect outside of the house, to not let people in because it was this thing about when you're outside of the house, it was a ton of pressure. So, one thing that I make sure that we're not doing is, I am not pressuring them to do anything because that is going to be a way for them to run away. We do not have them go to everything that's “church.” We do not do that because we want them to fall in love with Him for theirselves. Are we presenting things to them? We are, but we are doing it in a way that is not like over, too much. You know what I'm saying? So, we do make Mass the most important thing. If you can go to cheer practice, you can go to Mass. My kids have cheer practice every Sunday and I say, “If you're trying to go to cheer practice, I don't need to hear complaining when you're going to Mass, because Mass is just as important as cheer.”

What you are doing during the week is good, you know, I still want you to have fun. I still want to do all these things, but if you can do that, you can make the time to go to Mass and not go complaining and crying. When you go, we are going to participate in it. 

Whenever we go to Mass, it is a whole thing for us because Michael is not with us. It's me and the girls. We wake up, we hear our music, we slowly get into the moment of going to worship. 

Fr. Josh Johnson: 

I was going to ask you about that. For a lot of families that I walk with, the struggle is, how do we enter into the Mass, whenever we're coming in on two wheels? It's very hard to transition from rushing, to entering into the readings. Before Mass, with the girls in the car, are you preparing them?

JaVaunda Parker: 

I am. I am preparing them. We listen to our gospel music in the morning, but the way that I prepare them for Mass, in general, is on the Hallow app. They have this preparation, it's a family preparation for Mass, and we listen to that on the car ride to Mass. It usually takes five minutes, and I think the longest one was maybe eight minutes. I put that on first and if they have questions about it, because it goes over the readings, like the gospel, but it does it in a kid way, it is not so in your face, actually it sounds like they are probably having breakfast or something like that. It's done in a kid way, and if they have questions, we talk about it. Just so that they can be prepared, their minds can be prepared for when they enter Mass. Are they going to understand everything? No. But at least they know what the readings are about.

Dr. Brian Pedraza: That's great, it is a calculated disengagement from everything else. Because if Mass is the most important thing, then there has got to be a step away from the other stuff to get you ready. One thing that I really love that both of you said is this word participation. You become a part, just like we are literally parts of Christ's body. When you are at Mass, to participate means you, you are not the crowd at the game. You are the team! You're playing! I feel like a lot of people go to Mass and they're like entertain me, what am I going to get out of this? They come at it like the crowd, but what you all are saying is that you're playing the game. You are the team!  The priest is saying “We offer to you, Father,” “my sacrifice and yours,” which is queuing us in. You are doing this right now. I just love this language of participation. Let's say you're in the pews, okay? I want to get in the nitty gritty—you're sitting in the pews; you are sitting with your girls. One of them starts crawling on the other. One of them starts making a breakout, from the pew. Like, what do you do? If you're that family, because a lot of families, when that starts happening and they're thinking, “we're not coming back to this,” “I'm so embarrassed,” or they're just like, “I do not know about bringing the kids to Mass, this is just too much.” What would you say to those families? How do you handle stuff like this? 

JaVaunda Parker: I would just tell them to keep coming back. What I do, because I know my kids, and I know they cannot sit by each other, if they sit by each other, they are going to fight, they are going to pull something away from each other. One is going to be like, Ma, she did this or Ma. What I do for Mass, if you know your kids are going to fight, you are going to have to sit in the middle. Like I said, he is on the altar, so it's me—I’m all they have at this point. So, it is one child, me and then the other one. We are the dividing wall. I am the wall and whenever we do it that way, they are good at Mass. Sometimes, you know, they lose focus, but most of the time they are following along, just like I am following along, but they are older now and it was not like that when they were babies. Like, I remember one time during the consecration of the Eucharist, Michaela just lost it, and I am like, “ahhh!” I took her to the back, but once I calmed her down, I went back in, and we were back all in. You have to keep going, you got to keep going. 

Deacon Michael Parker: No, I think so, cause even like you said when we were in the infant stage, I remember we said we used to graduate out of the cry room. Yes, that was before I was ordained and I remember we would take turns, and, I mean, they have to know it is serious, right? So sometimes what happens is that, and I do not want to get to the point where it's like, no, it is okay that you can just be free to do whatever. No, there is a level of respect, we are supposed to have respect because we are here to worship God. So, I remember at one point and it was unfortunate, but JaMicah when she was younger, maybe about 2-years-old, and I looked at her like you have to stop, and then JaVaunda, you saw her, and said, “Michael, I think her heart broke because she saw that look on your face.” So, I grabbed her and I was like, oh we had to go to the cry room because she was about to blow! But it is always emphasized: we go to the cry room, but do not stay there. I will stay there and then come back out. You take them out and you come back in, and that is needed because we are showing them, no, you're part of this. You are part of the Mass.

JaVaunda Parker: One thing I do want to say too is, you cannot be afraid to correct your child, even if you are in Mass, you cannot be afraid to correct them. You have to correct them because if they're just going under the pew, walking here, walking there, tearing stuff up or whatever. If you do not correct them, they're going to do that same thing the next time, and the next time, the next time, you have to correct them. Are they going to be upset? Yes. Are you going to have to run out sometimes because they cry? Yes. But the only way they're going to learn is if you correct them. If you don't correct them, they don't know they did anything wrong. 

Fr. Josh Johnson: So I think one of the practical takeaways that we can have because Mass is so important and to show the importance of Mass as a family, is to do what you do. Prepare them leading up to worship, to worship God in the Mass. So, for every family, it will look different. Not everybody has the Hallow app—it is a great app—but not everybody has it. So if you have the Hallow app, that will be something we can recommend, but also, just before Mass on Sunday morning or those few hours leading up to Mass, make those few hours before different. You can begin with gospel music or praise and worship in the house. Gregorian Chant. When you are in the car ride, turn off secular music. Fast, abstain from secular music and either have silence or even pray the Rosary or the Divine Mercy chaplet, K-Love, Catholic community radio, or something where it sets Sunday apart as different. That way they are prepared to walk in to worship. Then if you can, try, I get it, like families have kids sick, crying, screaming, fighting, but if we can try to leave earlier, then we get to Mass earlier because it does take us as humans, it takes time to settle down and to enter into the experience of worship. If possible, try on Sundays to leave earlier to get to Mass earlier, so you can enter slowly into the worship of God at Mass. 

Our practice this week, families, is to make Mass special by preparing beforehand with what we are doing at the house and in the car on the ride to worship. 

Dr. Brian Pedraza: Oh, I love that. I love that. You know the perfect way to end this episode? 

Fr. Josh Johnson: By singing a song?

Dr. Brian Pedraza: No, I’ll just put my hand on your shoulder and say, I love you and I love you! (laugher) We do love y'all, thank you all and Happy Anniversary! So blessed.

Deacon Michael Parker & JaVaunda: Thanks. Thank you. 

Fr. Josh Johnson: I do look forward to dining with y'all for your anniversary. Where we going? (laughter)

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